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4/19/2024
been a while, huh? havent forgotten about this site yet, i just dont have much i really have to write here rn. not a lot of shit i could talk about here cant just be said on my main site. tis the fate of a site made out of impulse, i suppose.
yknow one thing i think about, that probably no one else on this platform has addressed yet? why the fuck is the internet so tied to cats. like, dont get me wrong, i like cats. look at my fucking site theme, i literally represent myself using a sexy catgirl. i just kinda wonder why the internet is so like, thematically associated with cats.
idk, i just kinda find it generic after a while. boring, uncharming, if thats a word. idk. like, fuck your cats, idc anymore. when the fuck are we gonna get like, pangolin-themed site hosting platforms, or sites using fuckin rhinos as their mascots. idek why im choosing to rant about this, i just thought itd be funny if i did lol
3/11/2024
something i hate about owning a website is the fact that like anything you put out, it will be labeled and categorized by people. i dont fuckin like that shit. i think its annoying and negatively effects how people view my own sites.
i dislike having the term "webcore" thrown at me bc like, what the fuck does that mean. like wow, my site fits into your made-up zoomer buzzword aesthetic, so what. im not trying to achieve some look, or fit in with annoying fads made by white girls with nothing better to do. im a person, pouring my heart and soul into something i can call my own. im not tumblr blog fodder.
for a similar reason, i dislike being labeled with the term "web revival". i'm not part of a movement. i'm not part of some boring circlejerk that only serves to either romanticize the past, fantasize about ideals, or brag about being different. i dont care about the internet's past freedom, or what social media does, or whether or not kids from carrd should be allowed to make websites. im just a whore with a laptop, trying to vent my own trauma. i have no social goals, or any attachment to the internet beyond it being something i just use a lot. to be grouped into some crowd i couldnt care less about is to have my individual art and passion ignored. does the "web revival" crowd have some shit i agree with? yeah. i just dont really care about what they focus on. a group like that is too restrictive and clean for me, feels fake as fuck.
3/3/2024
one thing i find kinda funny with websites is the idea of a low quality website. like, i dont deny the term its merit, it certainly has some, im just curious what it applies to. like, does it mean an inaccessible site?? does it mean a site ran by a shitty person?? is it just an umbrella term for the thousands of copy/paste sadgrl layout websites out there??? idk, from what ive seen, the definition is like some unholy mesh of all three. wild.
personally i dont really get the point of calling something as small and petty as a personal website as low quality, even if it arguably is. like yeah, it sucks, but who gives a fuck, as long as its not harmful. like yeah a bare-bones geocities nostalgia-bait site headed by like a 14 year old is probably bad in the objective sense, but as long as its not spouting like racist rhetoric or some shit, then i couldnt give less of a fuck. its people having fun, and doing what they want, even if it sucks to most people. id rather worry about myself than worry about whether or not some obnoxious kid migrating from instagram is up to snuff with the "true web revival" standard.
2/28/2024
yknow i might as well talk about nekoweb here, since its like, the actual fuckin platform im using for this shit lol. ill be fr i do not get the hype behind this shit. idk maybe im just being a downer again but something like this isnt too special to me?? like sure it has more technical freedom than neocities and it no doubt looks nicer but its still just diet neocities to me, idk. not a bad thing, if it was, i wouldnt be using nekoweb ofc. i just like, dont see why everyones so excited and whatever. maybe im just jaded, or something. dont get me wrong, im glad more options exist for people who wanna make websites, im just not that sold on the hype. its cool, but theres a reason im hosting my main site on neocities. maybe its just something that would only appeal to indie web community mfs, or whatever.
ngl ive always shyed away from communities surrounding shit like indie web, idk. one reason is because im a social failure, and the other reason is that im a cruel bitch who likes to chase highs. like you ever been on fuckin melon forums or whatever?? clean as hell, makes me feel like im not really talking to anyone. theres a sense of community maybe, but no personal connection. its kinda homogeneous, even if it isnt bad. to me, it doesnt even feel real, which i guess is cool for some, but boring for people like me who like more excitement. idk. and dont even get me started on trainwrecks like yesterweb lol
oh well, maybe im just not the type of bitch cut out for this shit. i should stay in my lane lol
2/27/2024
i'll be honest i had like absolutely no game plan going into this site. i threw most of this shit together in like, a day, with no thought or hesitation. i just get silly like that. the big downside of this is that this site ends up being like, super fucking situational lol. theres a lot of shit i could say here that i could and would rather say on my main, lol. this site is just for slightly more real shit, but i dont have a lot of that, i guess.
idk, maybe i should be satisfied with this site's status as just a trashy rant site.
2/26/2024
i think the more i live, the more i realize i fucking hate people lol. idk, its just hard to get close to people, bc they just piss me off. its annoying. i notice faults, and i distance myself immediately. not to mention, people are just really fucking overconfident nowadays. its hard to describe, but again, it pisses me off. you dont know how many people have DM'd me thanks to my main site, who wanna "be my friend". bastards know nothing about me, cant even bother to read a single word that i put on that hellsite, and yet they still expect me to warm up to them like im a fuckin microwave. one of em fucking DMs me every fucking morning, and hes the most bland person to talk to like ever. if i wanted to waste my time listening to some kid who sees me as some clean toy to play with, id go to a fucking kindergarten. smh.
i dont know, i just dont like it when people try to talk to me anymore. its always for a selfish reason. sometimes its out of pity, sometimes they just want a sounding board, and sometimes they just want a new experience. its never for me as a person, its always just impulsivity. maybe i shouldnt be the one to talk shit about that kinda behavior, but ill fuckin do it anyway lol. what a fucking joke.
2/25/2024
first diary entry wow. i'll admit, i don't really have that much to say here, tbh. or at least, anything that i wouldnt otherwise just put on my main site. remember, this site exists mostly just for me to talk and rant about shit that wouldnt fit elsewhere. i dont really have anything like that to talk about rn.
i suppose i could talk about like, my relationship with websites, or something. i'll be honest i have absolutely no care for coding as anything more than a small hobby. it makes me feel a little inferior sometimes, when i see people with a passion for it. idk, makes me feel like a faker in comparison, since im not that into the concept. not my fault i couldnt give a shit about scripts, or fuckin github or whatever, lol. i know the bare minimum, and i wanna keep it that way, lol.
fuck im tired, i feel drained, like i havent gotten shit done today lol, who cares
btw idk if ill like update this site much, its purpose is a pretty situational one. who knows, maybe i'll just abandon it after this lol. idfk i just wanna get this shit over withhh
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Some diary entries may contain harsh language and heavy topics. Read at your own risk.
